Hi everyone, id really apreciate some feedback

[James]

I may as well start as it looks like no one else will.

Well I'm male 17 and from Leeds. first things first do u think our anxiety and fear of embarrassment is connected to our sexuality or its just coincidence, i know mine is.

every time i have to go shopping or to friends or school or anywhere the first thing think about is if anything in my behavior will give away that I'm gay, whether it be the way i talk or act or whatever. i try to accept myself for what i am but no matter how hard i try i cant quite get to that place in my mind. Ive not come out yet and hope that when i do things will change cos then i will be able to be myself.

i am too self conscious and care to much what people think about me. i used to get bullied and although that was years ago and nothing to do with my sexuality mostly it seems to have manifested itself in me thinking that i sound different from everyone else. the problem is i actually have no idea - i cant just go up to some one and ask "do i sound gay to u???" but that reassurance would make such a difference to me.

I'm fine around girls usually but around guys i am quite bad at making conversation, one to one is usually fine if i relay try but a group of guys and i get relay anxious and end up getting relay hot and having to leave - i dont know weather that is because i could be attracted to them or weather its linked back to bullying cos that would always be guys or a mixture of the two.

did coming out help any one get over their SA or not, I'm hoping that it will make a big difference for me.

at the moment i feel relay isolated, being in one minority(SA) limits the number of like minded people but being in another (gay) makes it relay hard to meet people like myself, iv never met a gay person befor and have no idea how to find anyone. trouble is i wouldn't say i was a "typical" gay guy

to anyone still reading thanks, and any replies would be relay appreciated

PS anyone from Leeds, or York or harrogate or area if so would u like to meet up?? my email is [e-mail]

[bobbert84]

haha I was so happy to see an update, I check this all the time but never have anything to post and I'm not sure the others still come here anymore...anyway, sorry if this reply seems weird/insane/stupid/useless but i havent slept and its early morning hours now...

I used to think a lot about whether people thought I looked gay or not, but I suppose I don't anymore...I'm still really self conscious though, a lot of the time I feel like i need to improve my posture or someting but people have said I looked ok when I've asked if I have a crooked back, haha.
I get to be short aswell, which i think kind of puts me in another minority and makes me feel looked down upon even more...literally ahaaah.

Coming out could help i suppose, since you wouldn't be thinking if people suspect or not anymore, but depending on what sort of people you know I suppose it could make things worse too. The only gay people I've ever met have been on the internet before real life. I didn't really ever properly come out or anything, just my friend sarah knows, and possibly my mum but thats a pathetic story to tell...i was in a relationship then and he pressurised me into coming out, but i was too scared so i wrote a note to my mum haha, havent heard anything of it since and he dumped me a week or few later. I suppose for myself I dont get the whole coming out thing and I dont really see the point until im with someone. I think a lot of gay guys dont think they fit into what a typical gay guy is, but then i suppose that doesnt exist with most people anyway, its just created by stereotypes and other people that desparatley want to fit in.

i was going to write more but i keep forgetting about this window and i dont think im very helpful anyway! im not near york or anything but if you need a friend to speak to(if i even end up saying much...im crap at that, most people i end up saying hi to, speaking a bit and then we never speak again aaahah) you can add me, [e-mail] ...anyone else reading this can too, i only have like one person i speak to on msn

[cudlow]

I'm in the same boat!

haven't thought about coming out - whats the point if i have never been with another man?

I went in a bar the other night, which had lots of gay people in , and i just thought "i dont fit in here at all". most gay people seem to be camp and limp wristed , that just isnt me at all - but i feel that i want someone i can be with in my life.

None of my friends have actually thought that i'm gay - if i tell the truth i've always known that I was i just thought I would try to ignore the feelings and they would go away!

ranting again!

if anyone wants to chat email me ! [e-mail]

i'm 21 , slim build , 6ft , er......

thats about it lol.

[lloyd]

for me - i am not ashamed of being gay - but i think hiding my sexuality when i was in the closet, and being bullied also have made me have SA.....

its really unsettling!!!!

ive emailed u x

[smiler]

Me too. I was bullied at school and it really knocked my confidence. It wasn't about my sexuality as I had no idea at the time. It was because I am naturally shy and quiet .When I was about 15 I did become confused about my sexuality. This led to periods of depression and anxiety. I was in so much denial that when I finally realised I was gay I felt suicidle a lot of the time . I began to take drugs and the strain of living in the closet made my self esteem even worse. I met a gay colleague at work and couldn't even confide in him that I thought I might be gay as I was so ashamed. It was only several years later I could finally accept it. I then came gradually out to close friends, parents etc. Also meeting other gay people at uni and in clubs.

I found things improved as I came to terms with being gay.

Now at 31 I have a great partner and most people know including my family etc. and work colleagues. It is a continual thing that will finally happen. I am a lot happier now .But I do struggle in group situations or meeting new people as I always feel like I will not be accepted but it isn't just connected to my sexuality. As I look feminine people always presume I am straight which is very stereo typical. If I'm having a bad day with S.A I do go along with it sometimes but then regret not being proud of myself later